The roaring tide of my lineage calls out to me in the language of the soul. The waves come hard and fast some days and others they just lap gently at my feet. No matter what force it communicates with, I am bound to listen. I can no longer turn my cheek and hold up a wall of resistance as this is tiring and futile work, it’s time to listen. All of them who have come before me, generations of women stand behind me. I am a product in part of the lives they have lived, my chemistry and my physical bodily environment has been shaped by their lives. I have inherited this vessel, I am at the helm of this great force now. I am never alone when I am listening, they are always there.
Today I listen. I can feel the vibration of their voice inside of me as I sit. The tapestry is diverse and some of it so strange to me it, yet I can resonate with all of it. I am feeling into another layer of myself now, this is deep work. I am in unchartered waters but my curiosity holds me in place. I feel like I’m tracking a wildness, I need every sense now to stay on course, there are massive misalignments, curves and u turns. It’s the ultimate roller coaster. I keep riding it and after some ferocious angles, I feel as if my life up to now has been merely the tail end of a hurricane. A thudding in my thorax rises, I can feel the motion of it spread through my whole body and then it ends…it trails off into silence. It that it? Is it over? I feel a sense of renewal wash over me and I have a sense of being ready to remember who I am. My presence returns I am back in the room now. I can hear the cars outside and the birds singing, the smells of my home return to me. My heart has been pulled open I am humbled by my experience…all of that living, all so I can be here now in this moment to set the wheels in motion for my return back to source values.
This fabric is my inheritance, the sum of all my ancestors experiences and it resides in me every moment of everyday. It is the fabric which I create all of my experiences from. I am weaving my own space now and choosing what direction we go in next. Today I feel as if I invited each one of them into my space to put on a show and it was spectacular!
For as long as I can remember I have resisted the natural cycle of being a woman. The world I was trying to fit into didn’t have space for this aspect of me, I have been trying to push it away, having a feminine cycle is unacceptable in the linear world we live in today. It is hidden in the shadows and pushed down by chemicals and advertising, distorting and warping the role of women in society to fit a man made mould of femininity that we are all been driven to conform to. Equality is another illusion, it is just a linear ideal of how women should be in order to meet the needs of the structure the world finds itself in at the present moment. We are being shaped by our environment to meet its needs and not the needs of our own intrinsic knowing about how we need to live to sustain equilibrium in our lives.
Coming back to source values for me is a way of recognising and celebrating the journey I take each month, one that supports me and guides me through my process of re alignment with my true authentic self. It is in my inner space I begin to set a course correction and listen to the call of my ancestors to stop resisting and bring awareness of my cycle to the present moment and weave it through the cloth I have inherited, so new life can be ignited into my authentic feminine nature and be celebrated once again, before it becomes forgotten and another lost language of the soul.