The pull downwards, to rest, to stop and be still is strong. Life throws one expectation after another at me, to do this, or do that or meet another’s needs, the pull reminds me to a stop, it reminds me of it presence. It’s a work out to stay steady and embrace the energy of the decent, to not take action and wait, wait for it to pass but at the same time feel it in my body and let it be there and allow myself to be it…to be the pull because this is who I am…I intrinsically need to withdraw to stay in alignment…I need to let my physical body reflect, let the energy in to do its work…let it begin to choose what needs to go and what course corrections need to be made when the accent begins again. What boundaries need to be reset and experimented with for the coming phase based on all the learning that has taken place. It has all accumulated inside me now and I must carry it to the threshold of the next cycle before I begin anew.
I need focus and calm to surround me…I dig deep inside myself and ask that I be cloaked in these gifts as I gather up all the debris…preparing to release it back into the flow in a matter of days. It is tedious work, my heart centre is working hard to assess everything thats being filtered through it…some things are still too difficult to let go of…I wrestle at times, it’s a negotiation process…I am hoarding so many emotions, hurts and slights that hold me in a pattern of Saviour, Victim and Perpetrator and I am challenged at every turn as I try to release myself…how do I tune in and harmonise to all of this…an accumulation of life time…fear lashes out and belts me to one side then another…I rise and stand centred again…it belts me into submission once more…I push back…I hold myself strong in my alignment and I make a choice…I thank the fear…I thank it for reminding me of how often I veer away from my path…it’s merely mirroring back to me how I live…this is the motion of my mind…it swings from one path to another…it’s showing me how all of my conditioned responses are not in alignment with what I know I truely need in my life.
Finding my centre and honouring it, decision by decision is a new way of being. The past few days of this new practice have been taxing, but like anything new I know with practice I will begin to master my technique and I will begin to receive energy for all my efforts, as I focus attention on the lightness of honouring myself the feelings will grow and support me, this I am certain of. Holding my focus on this centre point is vital…I must not waver, I am setting my intention in this moment and asking for the courage to step out into a new beginning where I effortlessly honour myself with love from within, if I falter I will get back up…I will continue to stand in my centre and I will remain loyal to this path. I owe it to myself to push forward and give all I have to manifesting real love in my life.